The Spokin’ Word: Beginner advice — good, bad, and ugly

Aeschylus once said, “Time as he grows old teaches all things,” and after a few decades of mountain biking I’ve learned a thing or two. No, I never really learned to wheelie or even ride all that well, and my bag of tricks is emptier than a burger joint in India, but I still attempt to help beginners not make the worst decisions ever. Here are common questions and my advice*. (*for entertainment purposes only, not to be construed as good advice)

How do I choose a bike?

Mountain bike shopping is like a clown at a birthday party — it’s supposed to be fun but it gives lots of people nightmares. In addition to the dizzying array of sub-categories that all seem pretty much the same, you also have to navigate the minefield of planned obsolescence disguised in the form of marginal improvements and ever-changing “””standards””” (note ridiculous amount of quotation marks). Even the knowledgeable friends who you drag down to the bike shop will be soiling their chamois a bit trying to explain why 0.02% more nipple torque costs so much more. My advice: consider buying something used from one of those knowledgeable friends. You’ll still inevitably buy the wrong bike but at least you can save your arm and your leg for when you want something shiny and new.

How do I set up my bike?

The buying process should’ve broken you in a bit, but there’s still a lot of technical knowledge required to set up your bike properly. But remember, it’s just bikin’ so here are the CliffsNotes. Slide your brake levers in about an inch from your grips and, while you’re at it, get some grips that feel just exactly perfect. Put a good aggressive knobby tire up front and a fast-rolling XC tire in the back. Put a bigger rotor up front. If your saddle is uncomfortable, try adjusting its position and angle before buying a new one. Lastly, get that knowledgeable friend or a good shop to give you a very basic 10-minute suspension setup and rundown. If someone mentions shim stacks or cavitation, remind them that it’s just bikin’.

How do I get sponsored?

It’s your first season of riding and already you’re styling jumps on Rooster that many of the experienced riders won’t hit. Are you really that talented? Are your snow skills transferring over? Possibly. Or maybe you’re the human equivalent of an unscratched helmet, a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode in a mushroom cloud of dust. Just remember; dirt ain’t snow. Build your skills gradually and remember to always give ‘er … your MSP card at the ER so they can put you back together.

How do I build trails?

That’s awesome that you’re already interested in doing some trail work, and I’m not even being sarcastic right now. Generally we don’t expect that for a few years, so kudos to you. However, if you want to build your own trail, please just put down the pallets and bow saw and go ride your bike.

Should I be pedaling at a cadence of 80–100 rpm like roadies do?

MTB is a different beast and using lower cadence and higher torque generally works better for riding uneven terrain and powering up the technical bits. It’s also harder on your knees so make sure you set your saddle height correctly to avoid the damage that years of biking can do. On the other hand, worn knees are a great excuse for not cranking hard, when the truth is that you just can’t be bothered anymore.

How do you drift?

Ah, young rockhopper wishes to learn the art of flicking waves of brown pow off each corner for an imaginary lens! Please don’t. I know, every video edit does it and hopefully that trend dies in agony because it really doesn’t do the trail surface any favours. And if you’re contorting your body like a yogi on crack or grabbing a huge handful of back brake to get that slide going, you’re also not doing your style any favours. Ride don’t slide. Use your front brake much more than your rear. And if you’re still upchucking the brown pow, well then you’re just a boss. Carry on.

Feel free to send me your questions, tips, and gossip. Just don’t ask me how to wheelie.

This article first appeared in the August issue of Revelstoke Mountaineer Magazine.