Experience: Growing up gay in Revelstoke

When Wesley Barisoff thinks back to his youth in Revelstoke, he remembers it as a “scary time,” a time when he felt out of place everywhere. The young, gay man, who graduated from Revelstoke Secondary School in 2003, recalled being bullied and feeling completely isolated.

Once, in grade 11, some people drove by in a vehicle, “yelling ‘faggot’ and throwing trash at me,” he recalled.

It was a terribly painful time and Barisoff felt he had no one to turn to. The prospect of being open about his sexuality — even to his parents, who cared for him deeply — was too threatening.

“Bullying is an all-round thing,” he said. “If I admitted to one thing (for example, being gay), then it felt like everything else people said about me was true.”

Barisoff knew he was different from other children from a very young age.

“[I] didn’t really know what that was and how to talk about it.”

By high school he was beginning to sense that he was gay but had no one to turn to.

“There weren’t a lot of positive role models. [I knew] one or two people who were gay but even they kept to themselves. If I were to come out then who would I go to? There were a few people that I knew would support me, but the risk of having others find out was too high,” he said.

“It was isolating. I didn’t want to be the first person to come out publicly. I didn’t go out to a lot of things and didn’t have a lot of friends because I was scared about what would happen if anyone found out.”

After Barisoff graduated from high school he moved to Vancouver. A few times, when he visited his family, he would go to bars.

“[I remember] feeling uncomfortable, especially in the winter when the sledders were around. I was very aware of everything in the bar.”

He tended to avoid bars in Revelstoke because he didn’t feel safe.

“Bars should have a zero tolerance policy for harassment,” he said.

Barisoff stressed that he doesn’t have any ill-feelings toward Revelstoke but he would like to see more support for young people like him.

Revelstoke has come a long way since 2003, especially in the last few years. The school district has taken serious steps to support and recognize students of all genders and sexual orientations and is in the process of developing a sexual orientation and gender identity policy.

Last fall, the Safe Spaces Revelstoke Society was formed, comprised of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, and queer/questioning (LGBTQ) community members and allies.

The society supports, advocates for, and celebrates LGBTQ community members while educating the public. Barisoff feels that having a safe spaces society when he was growing up would have been helpful, providing much-needed role models and support.

Now the City of Revelstoke, through its Community Social Development Committee, is taking another big step. It is developing a protocol — a planned, community response — to address hate-based incidents in the community. Hate-based incidents could be homophobic, racist, sexist or anti-religious; they target individuals because of the group they belong to. Incidents might range from verbal attacks to violent attacks and other forms of bullying.

The social development committee — along with myself Laura Stovel as a consultant — is encouraging businesses and organizations to have policies in place to address hate-based incidents as they arise, providing the education and “zero tolerance for harassment” that Barisoff would have liked to have seen. All kinds of businesses, bars in particular, can take a lead on this.

On June 10 the city’s social development committee is organizing a community workshop to work on the protocol (2 p.m. at the Revelstoke Community Centre).

It will begin with short presentations by members of minority groups and by responders, such as the RCMP, Victim Services and the School District. This will be followed by a facilitated discussion.

All members of the public are welcome. Those interested in attending should RSVP to Laura Stovel at [email protected].